Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
