you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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