no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
