You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
