____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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