remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
