I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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