Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
