i already hear my dad disowning me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
