is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
