There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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