he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
