I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
