My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
