the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
