You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
