I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
