My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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