Buhtt sex?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
