dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
