Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
