im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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