i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I did not marry a roomba.
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