Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
