I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
