porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
