Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I smell stomach acid.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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