Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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