i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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