How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
