im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They took my balls.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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