my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
