If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
