im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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