im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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