Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
