Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
