he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
