every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.