so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
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Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.