Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
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If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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