I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours