I'd wear matching sweaters with you
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
