every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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