Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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