after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
