omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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