its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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