We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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