I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
