All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
