You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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