I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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