You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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