K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
