I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
