i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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