So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
