I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
