i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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