woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How naked do you want me to be?
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