i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
