so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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