We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize