she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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