where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
