Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.