Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.