we have pet lesbian snakes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.