They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
only if we run a train.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.