I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
